I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
