Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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