You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
