I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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