it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
