We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
