you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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