census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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