May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
