Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
