I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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