I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
