theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
