it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
