Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
