and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
