They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize