He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
