11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
