You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
