Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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