did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
