Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
