i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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