I can't breathe out the right side of my face
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
