Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
