i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
