I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
