Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize