the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
