I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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