I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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