If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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