just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
