I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
