sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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