Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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