He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
