I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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