my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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