now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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