I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
