I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize