are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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