I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can't special order awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
