I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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