Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize