we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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