I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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