She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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