Screwed.edu
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We just shotgunned beers for America
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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