Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
