i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
