Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.

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(925): View more from California

Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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(647): View more from Ontario

he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it

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(815): View more from Illinois

grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.

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(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.

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(503): View more from Oregon

This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.

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