I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
