Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
