ya dads aren't the best wingmen
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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