Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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