I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
