Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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